Looking back (I remember we were, kids in love)
by eyeslikeastorm
Summary: "So, basically, you'd just have to come down to Barden, you get asked questions, you get to ask questions, then it's over. The only thing is that, I've also asked Chloe to come." or the one where Beca and Chloe used to date but now they have to revisit the past when a pleading Emily Junk comes to them for help. AU Bechloe/Staubrey scenes
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue

Tuesday mornings weren't supposed to be like this.

"Beca, please?"

Normally, at 7:30 in the morning Beca's usually pulling up files for whatever artist or band she has scheduled for her first time slot in the studio, but not today. Today she's got a pleading Psychology major, Emily Junk on the phone; and if Beca thought she couldn't exactly say no to little freshman Legacy, well fast forward three years and she still can't.

"Look Em," _strong start, Mitchell, keep it up_. "I don't.." _Goddammit, so much for that strong ass start, Mitchell._

"I know it's not something you'd want to do and I know this is really me stretching it considering, I mean, hello!"

That something being the subject of the email Beca opened earlier in the morning.

The same email that prompted Emily's phone call.

Beca groans, falling back against her chair as squeezes her eyes shut, willing the headache that's forming to dissipate.

Sadly, all she manages to do is make it worse while Emily continues to ramble on.

* * *

 _ **To**_ : bmitch 

_**Cc/Bcc**_ : emhjunk 

_**Subject:**_ _SENIOR THESIS! I NEED YOUR HELP! GET BACK TO ME ASAP!_

 _ **[**_ _click to open_ _ **]**_

 _Hi, Beca! So, I know we haven't like, been in touch for a while but I really need your help! It's a lot to ask but I'm shooting a video interview sort of thing for my senior thesis and I was wondering if you'd be apart of it!_

 _The idea is to evaluate past events that were emotionally tumultuous with a new eye and compare how growth and experience can alter one's previous perspective on past events._

 _So, basically, you'd just have to come down to Barden, you get asked questions, you get to ask questions, then it's over. The only thing is that, I've also asked Chloe to come. She's already agreed to do it, on the condition that she backs out if you do._

 _So that's why I really need your decision ASAP because if you don't want to do it, which is totally fine, Beca, I swear! Then I'll just try to formulate a new angle for the project!_

 _If you're willing to do it I'll keep you updated on when and where and all those details when I've gotten to that point!_

 _It would really be nice to see you again, even if the circumstances aren't ideal._

 _Get back to me when you can, please!_

 _Emily Junk._

* * *

"-Big Junior Producer Beca Mitchell is probably super busy and living it up in LA! Like, you're probably so busy that I'm probably wasting your time calling-"

 _... she certainly isn't wrong…_

"-and like, I know you were never really an official Bella but you were around so much that I'd say we bonded, what with Flashlight and all and-"

"Okay, okay! I'll do it, Em, just please for the love of god. Shut up!"

After a tentative confirmation, the younger girl squealed a soft thank you and finally, _finally,_ hung up.

Feeling the headache coming on, Beca flung her head back, her swivel chair slowly spinning as the she groaned. For once the mix playing softly throughout the room wasn't enough to soothe her nerves.

Then again, what could?

It's been years - three to be exact - since Beca has seen the redhead - her ex - and now she's supposed to what? " _Evaluate past events_ " with her? Jesus, she could barely evaluate that shit show when it happened, much less now!

 _What the actual fuck does Emily expect out of this?_

Before Beca had the chance to even give it a second thought, her boss's intern peeked his head into the studio space with a graceful announcement of, "You're, uh, artists are in. So, like, be ready for them.. To come… in… with all their stuff… soon."

(How and why Dax is still around is beyond Beca.)

Nevertheless, she grunts in response and quickly pulls up the files for, _oh god_ , Jade Dragon.

Tuesday mornings were never supposed to be like this.

* * *

"You know she means no harm, Becs."

"Do I, Stace? Do I really?"

"For Emily's sake, I sure hope you do."

"..."

"Oh, come on Beca! You know that kid looked up to you when we were at Barden! She wouldn't just do this to you for shits and giggles."

"... I'm pretty sure she looked up to Bree more than she did me-"

"Oh that _so_ does not count! Bree was THE Bella, of course Em looked up to her!"

"It's barel-"

"Would you just-Beca, that kid is a Bella legacy. _You_ know this. _I_ know _you_ know this. Which is why _I_ know that _you_ know why little Legacy would fawn over _my_ Bree. You know, Aubrey? The Bella that was a part of a three-peat legacy of her own. One of which sh-"

"Will you shut up already? I get it. The kid had a toner for your girlfriend and you were totally okay with it. Can we move on now?"

"Not when you mention toners and my girlfriend, we can't. I mean seriously have you seen Aubrey? She-what? Babe, n-"

"Hello? Beca?"

"Hey, Bree."

"I'm assuming Emily finally got a hold of you?"

"Are you-?! Of fucking course she talked to you about it."

"Oh stop grumbling, you petulant child. I would've found out one way or another."

"Whatever."

"Enough with the pouting, Mitchell."

"I'm not fucking pouting, _Posen_."

"So convincing, Beca, really. Maybe you should look into acting since you're in LA now."

…

…

...

"Just so you know, Beca, I talked to Emily and she wasn't opposed to Stacie and I coming along for moral support."

"I don't need-"

"Moral. Support. Hobbit."

…

"Whatever. Listen, I've gotta go, that idiot intern I told you about fucked up again. I'll see you guys in two months."

* * *

A month and a half after the phonecall with Stacie and Aubrey, Beca still isn't sure what she feels aside from anxiety and slight anger.

Which is ridiculous because she's moved on.

It's been three years and she's _move on_.

So this anxiety nonsense needs to fucking knock it off because she's a grown ass woman that has work to do and she can't do that work while there's a constant buzzing in chest.

* * *

Two months after the phonecall and Beca is being lead down a hallway with an eager Emily Junk at her side, Stacie a step behind the pair.

"So, like I said befor-"

"I ask her the questions you provided. She asks me the questions you've provided. Honesty is key. Past is the past. New perspectives. Blah blah blah." Beca glanced over at Emily with an unimpressed expression. "I know. You've told me, like, ten times since I've woke up this morning, kid."

Emily, bless her heart, ducks her head with an apologetic laugh. She instead leads the two older brunettes the rest of the way, until they're in front of a set of double doors.

 _It's now or never._

"You good?" Beca hears Stacie's question but doesn't answer.

She isn't good.

God, she's terrible.

A myriad of emotions flood Beca all at once - regret, anxiety, panic, anger, sadness, nervousness, fear, embarrassment, resentment - it's a heady mix and the small brunette thinks she's going to pass out. She tries recounting her steps to mentally see how far she'd have to run to get back to Stacie's car.

So adamant about proving to herself and to everyone else that she'd moved on and grown the fuck up since she'd left Barden, Beca let her pride drive her to where she is now. In front of a set of double doors that leads right to Chloe...

And the emotional rollercoaster that was to come, she was sure of it.

Goddammit, pride got me this far.

Refusing to run away, Beca pushed on the door.

* * *

 **A/N: So that's the prologue. This is my first fic, so lemme know how I'm doing with things like characterization and such, if that's alright. Or just lemme know what you think?** I'm pretty set on finishing this but it all depends on if I can comfortably nail each of their voices, mainly Beca and Chloe's.


	2. Chapter 2 - Why did you agree to this?

**A/N: The title is from the song Freak by Olivver the Kid.**

 **Oh and starting here the chapters will mainly be short and simple. A question is asked and a question is answered (and maybe Aubrey and Stacie's take on things)**

* * *

The stack of notecards is more intimidating than Beca expected. Her fingers run along the edges of the paper, as she tries not to focus on the tension in the room.

"You both know the drill," Emily glances at the two women sat in the middle of one of the library's private study rooms. "One asks a question, the other answers, and vice versa?"

When both women, who have awkwardly acknowledged one another with simple greetings, a small smile from Chloe and avoided eye contact from Beca, have nodded, Emily continues.

"Okay so I'll start it off easy but after that you both decide who goes and then it's all up to you guys, got it?"

Another nod of confirmation and then, "Why did you agree to this project?"

Beca's head whips toward Emily, her attention formerly on Aubrey and Stacie who sat at a table on the outside of their little study room, her expression indignant and annoyed.

"Why the fuck else, Emily? You said you needed help, so I'm here." Beca sneered. To which Emily simply shrugged, not moving from behind her tripod.

"That can't be the only reason Beca."

A moment or two pass in silence and Beca wonders how she'll make it through this. If she can't even answer Emily's question, how the fuck is she going to answer Chloe's.

It's only when the redhead herself breaks the silence that Beca is pulled from her thoughts.

"Honestly? For closure."

Beca turns to face Chloe, their chairs facing one another and nothing else to separate them.

It's intimidating as fuck.

It's also very telling. It's telling in the way Chloe sits with her hands neatly in her lap, her ankle tucked underneath the other. She looks older now, more mature, Beca would say. Then again, the last time Beca saw her, they were only kids. A mere 19 and 21, they were naive, fresh faced, and hopeful; but 22 and 24 are no adults either.

As her eyes rake over Chloe - this older Chloe - Beca can't help but wonder what's changed.

The redhead, having had enough of Beca's blank stare, clears her throat. The action successfully gains Beca's attention and for the first time since they'd shared the room's space, Beca's gaze meets Chloe's.

It's enough to make the older woman falter, for even a second.

"I wanted to know what this opportunity had to offer." Chloe smiled warily as she shrugged her shoulders. "I couldn't pass this up without regretting it later on."

Beca's jaw clenches at the way this Chloe carries herself.

Gone is the ever-present lilt in her tone. Gone is the way her smile reaches her eyes. Gone is the Chloe she knew.

The only semblance Beca has found so far, is that pleading look of hope in those blue eyes that even till now, Beca finds herself crumbling under.

 _Honesty is key. Honesty is key._

Beca tries to keep that in mind as she clears her throat. Having said enough for Emily's question, she picks up her first card.

* * *

"Do you think this is a good idea?"

Aubrey and Stacie had been sat quietly at a table just outside the library room. Both watching intently as their friends seemed to just stare at each other.

A few moments pass before Aubrey answers.

"If they both take this seriously and stay level headed, then yes I think so."

Stacie, who's been playing with the hands that's holding her own, scoffs. "Beca? Staying level headed? We can only hope." A second passes and Stacie thinks Aubrey is about to say something, when they both eye the pair in the room.

The couple watching intently as Beca picks up and reads the first card.

Stacie bites the inside of her cheek at the way Beca goes rigid once Chloe's answered.


	3. Chapter 3 - How are you?

**A/N: With this being slight AU, there are certain aspects that aren't the same like Beca not being a Bella as mentioned in previous chapters or the smaller age gap between the characters. It's all apart of the story and will be explained soon enough.**

* * *

 _The faster you do this, the faster you can leave._

"How are you?"

Beca slips the card to the back of the stack, her eyes never leaving Chloe's. She watches as the redhead's breath still for a second, taking the question in, she thinks.

That is until Chloe laughs. It's a soft noise, airy with a grimace that makes Beca… unnerved. "I guess these questions won't be getting any easier then."

Chloe's voice is as soft as her laugh and Beca wants to scream.

The older woman, whose gaze has been flitting about between Emily, the camera, and Beca, finally settles on a spot on the wall behind her ex. Her shoulders slumped, resigned as she answers.

"I'm alright. Things are good, for me." Chloe nods absently, "I'm a highschool teacher now. I teach music and dance." There's still a blank look glazed over Chloe's eyes but there's a gentle smile working at the corners of her lips.

As conflicted as Beca feels, the sight grounds her. It's the first real smile, or beginning of one at least, she's seen from Chloe in years.

"My kids are amazing. They're just like you when you were their age." Chloe doesn't mean to let the last part slip out but so lost in her thoughts she doesn't even notice until Beca clears her throat. Blinking out of her daze, Chloe looks back at her counter part and smiles, actually smiles, at the way Beca's eyebrows crease with the shake of her head. "I work at Barden Prep."

That's all Chloe needed to say for the crease of Beca's eyebrows to settle and smooth. She watches as Beca nods, softly pursing her lips together. They both know how much Beca loves (loved?) Barden Prep.

It's where they met, after all.

"So basically," Beca clears her throat, fidgeting in her seat before settling with sitting up with her hands tucked underneath her crossed legs against the chair. "They're a bunch of seniors that think they're hot shit with a wit to match?" Chloe lets out another soft laugh (or is that just how she laughs now?), a small look of amusement in the way she looks a Beca.

It's enough to slip into familiar rhythm.

"Because, that doesn't sound all that amazing if they're all like how I was. Small and witty, god I sound like a chihuahua." Beca smiles at the way she feels some of the tension between them dissipate. She can even hear a faint chuckle from Emily's direction. "You did like dogs, so maybe a classroom full of chihuahuas is pretty amazing for you."

If this were three years ago, Chloe would've countered with, " _I mean you're a bitch, which makes you my bitch. So, I can't say that logic is flawed, babe."._

But it isn't.

Instead, they share amused looks before a quiet silence settles. It's no longer as thick and prickly; it gives all three women a bit of hope. They're just not sure for what though.

* * *

"Oh, Chloe just mentioned Barden Prep."

Stacie's eyes are glued on the couple. She can only imagine what's happening but at the sight of Chloe mentioning Barden Prep, Stacie can't help but hope it eases the tension.

Aubrey eyes Stacie because of course she'd be watching them so closely that she'd be able to read their lips. Still, she softens as her eyes move to the couple. Beca doesn't look as tense and Chloe's actually smiling.

Relief washes over the girlfriends.

"Remember when Chloe used to go around during Bella bonding nights, practically crooning the stories of Beca and Barden Prep?" The brunette squeezes Aubrey's hands, her eyes searching her girlfriend's.

(She won't admit it until later but she's endlessly thankful to whatever higher power has kept Aubrey by her side.

Or maybe she's just thankful for Aubrey.)

Momentarily forgetting where they are, Aubrey laughs with an exasperated look about her face that's ruined by the smile that tugs wide. "How can I not?" She scoffs.

Memories of wide-eyed freshman Chloe Beale running into rehearsals, or Aubrey's dorm room, or the cafe they always had lunch at, with a new story of the high school senior flashed through her mind. She spares a quick glance at the, now older, redhead before looking back at Stacie.

"You only had to listen to Chloe yap on and on about Beca for three years, Stace! I had an initial _and_ additional year of ' _Oh my god, Bree! She's so cute! She played me one of her mixes today! She's the best thing ever! It's not craddle robbing if she's a senior in high school, right? It's only a year difference and I mean I'm not breaking any rules since I'm not faculty, I'm just a volunteer!'_!"

"Whatever," Stacie clucked her tongue and dismissed the blonde with a small wave of her free hand. "It was my favorite part of bonding nights, so hush." Stacie smiled, challenging Aubrey to say something as she narrowed her eyes.

Aubrey's eyebrows rose with an expression somewhere between amused and unimpressed. Nevertheless, she waits for Stacie to proceed.

"Thought so." Stacie said before pressing a kiss to Aubrey's cheek, god they were disgusting. "Anyway, as I was saying, the Beca stories were my favorite part of bonding nights. I'm not sure how Chloe didn't get Beca to audition, honestly."

"With how much Chloe talked about her, it's basically like she was a Bella."

Stacie stops short on her remark, instead settling with a smile.

"She's an honorary Bella."

Aubrey grinned at the statement, the one Chloe would always announce whenever Beca was at any Bella group event. She remembers the first time Chloe marched into their first Bella dinner their sophomore year after inducting the new members.

" _She's an honorary Bella." Chloe announced with a kiss pressed against Beca's cheek. "She's my Bella."_

 _A chorus of groans and boos promptly followed, but Chloe didn't care. Pulling a blushing Beca into the kitchen to get something to drink, Chloe couldn't help but feel proud of herself._

" _You're still not Italian, Beale." Beca muttered as she let herself get pulled. Not a moment later Chloe's arms are around wrapped around her, pulling her flush against the older girl. She feels Chloe's shoulder lift in a shrug after she tips her head back to look at her girlfriend._

" _Doesn't mean you're not my beautiful."_

 _Chloe's smile is wide and bashful when Beca ducks her head and presses it against the side of her neck. Chloe just knows the girl's cheeks are as red as a tomato._

Aubrey didn't mean to hear the conversation between, a then sophomore Chloe and freshman Beca, but she did. Even after everything, it gives her hope that things can be fixed.

* * *

It's a few more moments before Chloe realizes that it's her turn to ask a question. She lets out a quiet "oh" as she grabs the stack of notecards from her lap. Flipping the first one over she reads, "How's life in LA?"

There's a look in Chloe's eyes, taking up more room than the hope Beca always sees. It's hollow and empty, almost like the absent look she wore earlier. Absent but hopeful, Beca can't figure it out.

"It's busy but it's good." Is all Beca answers. She doesn't mean anything by the short response. She's never been one to boast and Chloe knows this.

"I'm happy to hear that." Chloe starts, the same small smile adorned on her lips. "But what are you doing out there? Are you still with that studio?"

It's an innocent question.

Beca knows that but it doesn't stop her from bristling when she hears the echoes of arguments centered around "that studio" being spat at her by the same redhead that sits in front of her.

Chloe knows she's said something wrong when Beca takes a moment to answer, her jaw clenched ever so subtly.

"Yes." Beca answers curtly. "I'm still with _that studio_." The gaze she shoots Chloe is hard before she remembers that she's supposed to have moved on. A little question shouldn't set her off. Sighing, Beca tries again.

"I'm still at Pitch Slapped Records." Her voice carries no malice as the corners of her lips twitch. "I got a promotion recently, junior producer. So, I'm on my way up, hopefully."

Beca's answer is polite and casual and even though Chloe knows that this is Beca's way of trying, she's never felt so small compared to the girl's wall than after that series of answers. Because of that, Chloe leaves the answer and waits for Beca to ask the next question.

* * *

Beca gets the memo when Chloe politely nods. She picks up her second question knowing the chance of it being something loaded was just as real as it being something as simple as "how are you".

Flipping the card over and reading the question all Beca can say is-

"Oh."


	4. Chapter 4 - Was what we had real?

Beca still hadn't looked up since reading her next question.

Chloe can hear her pulse pounding as she waits for Beca to just ask the question. The little " _oh_ " she muttered is doing wonders on her nerves.

Until finally, _finally,_ Beca looks up from the card and asks, "Was what we had real?"

Chloe's never truly understood what it felt like when people would say something, "stole the air from the room" but now she does. Now she understands what it's like to feel the suffocating tension.

She's so overwhelmed that she blurts out her answer without a second thought, "How couldn't it have been?"

Immediately, Chloe wants to take it back.

Especially when she just _knows_ that Beca's bristled.

The redhead does her best to save the atmosphere from before but it's too late.

"I mean, there's no way it wasn-"

"Seriously?"

 _How could she?_

It's hot. Beca _feels_ too hot. It's like she's going to burst.

"That's your answer?" She's seething, her eyes searching Chloe's for the answer she didn't give, because _is Chloe serious?_

Apparently.

Because the redhead's gaze never leaves Beca's. Because no matter what happened and how much Chloe _regrets_ , there's no way Beca could think of their relationship as anything _but_ real. So Chloe holds her gaze, her expression conflicted and pleading.

They may have made their mistakes, but what they had _was_ real.

Chloe knows this and it's almost unfathomable to her that Beca doesn't.

"Of course it is."

Beca merely shakes her head. A laugh passing from her lips, hollow and mocking.

It's exactly what makes Chloe bristle.

"Do you think it wasn't?"

There's an edge to Chloe's tone now. It's subtle and small, but it's there, challenging Beca to be honest with her and tell her what she's thinking.

It's a tone that Beca is _very_ familiar with.

It's also a tone that has always put Beca in the worse state of mind.

"Are you-you're fucking serious?! You actually-" Beca sputters, outraged that she's actually having to explain this. _Wasn't it pretty clear?_ "No, Chloe! There's no way in hell it was real!"

It was the tone Chloe always used right before they got into a fight.

Always.

"How can you say that?!"

Apparently, that hasn't changed.

Beca is up and out of her seat in a flash, glaring at the redhead. "What do you mean, 'how can I fucking say that'?! You were there, Chloe!" (It's the first time Beca's said her name in ages and she'd never thought it'd be in a situation like this.) "You _know_ how shitty it was! So don't fucking tell me it was real when all it took was one thing to-"

" _No."_

Now, it was Chloe's turn to be mad. She's gone so long living off the regret of the past that she's almost forgotten the feeling of everything else.

But, oh does she remember this feeling.

"Do not write off everything we had just because of how we broke up."

Chloe's on her feet now, too, ready to defend the only thing she _doesn't_ regret.

Suddenly Beca's crawling in her skin, hot and prickly, she can't take it anymore.

So she doesn't.

"Then why did you!?" She shouts, ignoring the way Chloe recoils. "Why did you write off two years of our relationship if it was so fucking real then huh, Chloe?!"

The redhead flounders. Her mouth opening one second only to close the next, the fight not having left her just yet.

(Beca can see from her peripherals that both Aubrey and Stacie have shot up, only to be seated when Emily shakes her head.)

Beca can feel the tension escape her, even by a bit, enough to make her feel lighter. She snarls once more at Chloe before sitting down. "That's what I thought."

Stilling standing, Chloe stares at Beca, really stares at her. Is that really how she thought? Did she really believe that Chloe didn't think what they had was real?

The anger and fight that had spiked in Chloe minutes ago has seeped away. Now she's just… astonished.

The person she loves most, she loves always, truly believes that what they had wasn't real. All because of how it ended. All because of _her._ Chloe's eyes seek out the trash bin, the wave of nausea hitting her fast and hard, but she fights against it.

"I never-" Chloe's still on her feet, but her resolve is broken. She shakes her head at Beca, whose expression is tired and defensive. "What we had was real, Beca." A flash of something crosses the brunettes eyes and Chloe can't place it.

What she can place is the way Beca's name falls off her tongue and how right it feels to be saying her name again, even if it's like this.

Slowly, maybe even dejectedly, Chloe sits back into her seat. The notecards curled in her loosening fist are placed back in her lap. She takes a few deep breaths and with Beca's eyes still on her, Chloe says her last statement before moving on to read the next question.

"Believe me or not, I loved you for every minute we were together and you can't fake that."

It's defeated and pleading and whether Beca noticed it or not, Chloe couldn't tell.

* * *

Aubrey and Stacie were alarmed long before they heard Beca raise her voice. Their hearts pounding, hands tightening, as they watched both girls shoot up onto their feet.

Worried bystanders once again, they watch as both girls stand their ground. Then it's only one girl, Beca's body rigid and challenging and confident, versus Chloe's slumped edges and defeated expression.

Both girls want to know what's happening, want to help, but this isn't their fight and they know there's nothing more than can do aside from simply being there.

So, when Emily simply shakes her head at them, they nod. Seconds later they're in their seats waiting for the rest to unfold.

* * *

Beca is still reeling from the rush of arguing, if it could even be called that. Reeling from the release and lightness of her chest. It's like she can finally breathe. Maybe Emily's stupid thesis video thing was going to be good for her.

Chloe, on the other hand, is present. Aware and alert, Chloe knows what's happening and can feel her body sit taller, even by an inch. She assumed she'd find closure through this experience and it's only the second question in but she's starting to feel like a person again. A human that's capable of emotions and expressing their feelings and fighting for what they believe in.

The two have so much more instore and Emily is brimming with energy to see what's to come.

* * *

Reading her question, Chloe is starting to wonder how planned out they were. She turns to Emily in an expression that could only read, "Are you serious?". Emily just nods at her to ask the question.

 _Goddammit._

She pressed her eyes shut, turning to once again face Beca before opening her eyes and doing as directed.

"Do you hate me?"

* * *

 **A/N: eyeslikea-storm on tumblr! lemme know what you think? or come and say hi 'cuz that's fun too.**


	5. Chapter 5 - Do you hate me?

_"Do you hate me?"_

 _..._

 _Yes._

Is the first thing that comes to Beca's mind.

So much. For so long. Beca hated Chloe. She hated how she would wait up every night for the redhead during those last few weeks. She hated how every time the older woman would come stumbling through the door, reeking of booze and cheap cologne, telling Beca how much she loved her and would pepper her face with kisses (only ending in a fight after Beca pulled away, always pulled away). She especially hated how Chloe would rather pick a fight with her and run away, than to sit down and just _talk to her_.

She remembers the first year in LA and how her bed seemed so much bigger now that she was sleeping alone. She remembers the nagging pull in her chest when thoughts of the redhead would once again keep her awake. She remembers replaying every moment they had together for those two and half years as a couple, wondering how Chloe could've let her go so easily.

How she fell out of love so easily.

Then again, maybe it was easy, after it was the same fate of her parents' relationship...

Beca's taking too long to answer, she knows this, but she can't stop _remembering_. She can't stop the feeling the helplessness seep back into her chest and carve its place into the spaces around her heart.

She can't stop remembering how unloved she felt by the person she loved the most.

So, yes, to put it simply, Beca hated Chloe.

But more than that, Beca _hates_ how insecure Chloe's made her.

"I hated you." Beca starts, pretending like she didn't just hear Chloe's breath hitch, catch in her throat like she wasn't expecting it. "For months… _god_ for months I wanted to do whatever I could to hurt you." Her eyebrows are pinched and her jaw is clenched tight but it's the blank look in Beca's eyes that are the most telling.

Chloe can feel her heart splintering with every word, can feel the sting in her eyes as they begin to well up. She's trying to stay composed, to keep the tears from falling and to choke back every sob that wracks her body, and so far she's doing well. Her hands are shaking and she's biting the inside of her cheek to try and distract herself from caving, but she's doing better than she would've predicted coming into this. It's only as Beca continues that Chloe moves to bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling because it's all becoming too much.

"I wanted to spend every night with someone new, so that you'd know that I didn't need you. So that you could feel just as dispensable as you made me feel." Beca's gaze is still somewhere around Chloe's feet, glazed and intense.

Beca stops, abruptly, letting the silence fill the air for a few seconds before she finally lifts her head and meets Chloe's eyes. What the redhead sees is devastating enough for her resolve to finally break.

The look in Beca's eyes, tired and angry and betrayed, is everything Chloe knew she'd done to the brunette. It's the soft look that kills her. The look that's somewhere between pleading and conflicted that lets Chloe know what Beca's going to say next.

"I hated you so much, Chloe." It's actually killing Beca to stare into Chloe's eyes as they're spilling with tears, but she needs to get this out. If there's any hope for this "project" to move forward the way Emily wants it - needs it - to, honestly, then Beca needs to be honest. "But not anymore."

It was around the two year mark in LA that Beca was finally able to realize that falling in love and falling out of love happens. That even though it fucking hurts, it's something that can't be controlled.

(She doesn't like to think that maybe she's giving Chloe an out because it's easier to convince herself that it's life's doing - it's life's fault that Chloe Jane Beale fell out of love with her…

And not Chloe herself.)

With a deep exhale, Beca finishes.

"I just can't hate you." She says with a small shake of her head. "Now, I just... I just hate what you did Chloe." The pleading look is growing in her eyes and Chloe can't take it. "I hate every single thing you did those last two months after I got that letter. You just-you weren't the Chloe I was in love with," and that just shatters the both of them because it's true.

"So no, I don't hate you, but I fucking hate what you did."

The brunette watches as Chloe cries. She watches as the redhead tries to open her mouth to say something but all that comes out is a sob and it makes Beca grimace. Still, the brunette sits and waits, knowing she's no place to comfort Chloe, not after what she told her.

There's movement from the outside of the room and Beca looks through the window, not surprised to find Aubrey standing by the door with a heartbreakingly concerned look in her eyes as she stares at Chloe. Looking over to Emily and seeing the daggers being glared at the blonde, Beca can see why Aubrey hasn't come in. If Aubrey comes in then she jeopardizes the entire video.

Silently, they take a few minutes while Chloe just sits and cries.

* * *

"Babe, you have to sit down." Stacie whispers into Aubrey's ear. Her arms are wrapped around the rigid blonde, cooing into her ear that _Chloe's going to be alright_ and that _it has to happen this way for them to move on_.

"C'mon, you know Emily's one rule for us, we can't interfere." Stacie smiles, albeit small but still, because of course it'd be the reminder of Emily's rule to make Aubrey back down. The blonde turns to stomp away but Stacie tugs on her wrist, wrapping her arms around her.

Stacie knows how much Aubrey must be struggling to see Chloe break down the way she is, so she rubs a hand in circles across Aubrey's back. Patiently, she waits for her to calm down as she watches Chloe continue to cry and wonders how Beca's doing. With a glance toward the brunette, Stacie already knows Beca's doing what she can to stay away from Chloe. God, she can feel a migraine coming on from how idiotic these two are, still. It's only when Aubrey tries to pull away that Stacie brings her attention back to the woman in her arms. She knows Aubrey still isn't okay with Chloe sobbing _alone_ , Stacie tries the one thing that she knows will calm her down: being rational.

"Whatever's got Chloe so upset has to someone that she didn't know, right? Because Chloe's been able to accept everything you and I have thrown at her before. So this is just her processing and feeling, Bree. Give her some time." She says, pulling Aubrey back in, resting her cheek on top of the blonde's head.

* * *

The hand Chloe had clasped over her mouth is now wiping away at her eyes and cheeks. Her chest heaving with every pant.

From feeling almost numb to feeling so much hurt, Chloe doesn't know how to handle herself. Apart from the overwhelming helplessness, she's mortified. How could she put Beca through what she did and then cry about it as if she never meant it. That's probably what hurts the most, Chloe thinks, that she knew what she was doing to Beca. That even though Beca may have her faults, Chloe was always the one to start it, the fights, the harsh words, the pain, it was all Chloe. Until the day it wasn't.

Until it was the day Beca just… gave up.

Then, it really was just Chloe.

Shaking her head, Chloe clears her throat and apologizes for her outburst. Beca simply nods and Emily offers her napkins.

It's another few moments before Chloe's completely collected herself, looking to Beca who's kept her eyes on her, and nods for the next question.

"What's your version of how we first met?" Beca's voice is soft and gentle and considerate to the state that Chloe's just been in, it's a voice that makes Chloe ache with longing.

Still, there's a smile on the brunette's face because they finally get a break from the fucking hard balls Emily's been pitching. She sits back, waiting for Chloe to tell the story.


	6. Chapter 6 - How did we meet?

" _What's your version of how we first met?"_

…

Chloe scoffs because how could she forget?

"I was volunteering at Barden Prep during my freshman year at BU for my Bella volunteer hours. I went to B Prep twice a week for an entire semester and all you did was ignore my attempts to talk to you. Then when you did talk to me it was to make fun of my Bella scarf." There's a playful jab in Chloe's tone as she remembers the earliest moments of their friendship. Beca merely shrugs in response.

"It was an ugly scarf."

"Oh, shut up." Chloe laughs, still soft but with a sniffle. "You only started talking to me after I stopped trying to talk to you."

"Well, it was weird, I guess, not having you come up to me and trying to talk over my music." Beca doesn't tell her about how those moments were her favorite part of the week. She doesn't tell her how she'd look forward to the days she knew Chloe would be in. She doesn't tell her how Chloe had her hooked from the start.

 _So you missed me?_ Chloe shakes the idea from her thoughts, ignoring the squeeze in her chest. _It doesn't matter anymore._

They sit quietly for a moment, sharing the silence before Chloe picks up her next card. She reads over the question quietly, thinking that maybe Emily is creating a calm before the storm that is sure to come. Softly clearing her throat, Chloe asks, "What was your first impression of me?"

"Loud." Is Beca's immediate answer. She raises an eyebrow at the way Chloe scoffs indignantly. "You really want to try and tell me any differently?" Chloe crosses her arms over her chest at Beca's challenge.

"I was profession during my time at B Prep and I stand by that."

Now it was Beca's turn to scoff. "Yeah? Professional? Are you sure because I'm pretty sure I remember you running in on your third day laughing at a text that said one of the older Bellas had 'the shits' as you so eloquently put it when you were telling the entire senior choral." There's a smirk forming on Chloe's lips and Beca takes a second to stare before adding, "And if I remember correctly, you told me later on that it was because Aubrey and some other Bellas put some laxative in her coffee."

It was a full blown smirk now, something Chloe hasn't done in what felt like ages. She remembers that day though, from start to finish. She remembers Aubrey waking up early and telling her that she had to go do something and that she couldn't join because she'd be too loud. She remembers getting the group text that Alice wouldn't be joining them for rehearsals because she was having stomach cramps, or what Aubrey later texted, "the shits". She remembers telling this to her students (because even back then she knew she was going to be a teacher, why else would she have chosen Barden Prep - Choir/Musical Theatre Aid as her mandatory Bella community service?) the story through a fit of giggles. She also remembers it as the first time she elicited something akin to a smile out of the Beca - the mysterious but not so mysterious girl with the rumpled uniform and headphones attached to her ears.

Things were so different back then, Aubrey was lighter - more playful without her parents breathing down her neck 24/7 - especially after she met a certain Stacie Conrad. Beca wasn't as closed off and standoff-ish, instead she was merely shy and projecting as a person she thought she was, and Chloe. Chloe who was filled with life and energy and hope. The Bellas and Beca were a family back then, facing college life and everything that came with it, together.

They lived through Chloe and Aubrey making Bella history by being the first and only underclassmen co-captains during their Sophomore year when their captain at the time transferred out of Barden and appointed them the shared title (the decision ultimately leading to a three-peat National Championship title for each year the two were captains). They lived through Beca's tumultuous internship at the radio station which lead to a steady gig at a local club. _Dear god_ , they even made it past _Staub-pocolypse_ or what they all knew to be the time during Stacie and Beca's sophomore year, Aubrey and Chloe's junior, when Stacie was convinced Aubrey was seeing someone behind everyone's back, thus leading to Stacie icing out the blonde for a few days before confronting her - which only made for almost two months of awkward tension before they sorted things out, aka confessed their feelings for another like adults and started dating.

The one thing they never got to make it through, at least on Beca's end it feels like to the brunette, was Beca's junior year, aka the year she left. Things just weren't the same and no matter how much Aubrey tried to instill the sisterhood bond, she couldn't do it alone; even with the older Bellas help. She couldn't do it without Chloe but things were changing and so was their little family.

* * *

 **A/N: Just a short update. So I'm most definitely going to finish this story, probably. It'll last for however many questions Beca and Chloe have to ask one another (15 if anyones wondering) and then their "goodbye/what happens for us now" moment. Lemme know what you think 'cuz right now I have no idea how im doing and if im nailing certain things like their emotions and such right, so lemme know in the reviews or at** _eyeslikea-storm_ **on tumblr!**


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